Thursday, 16 February 2012

Look out Hollywood, here I come!

I almost never get a chance to read gossip mags, but when I do, I really enjoy the antics of all the big names in the movie business - their foibles and messy lives seem to be splashed all over the latest rag.  I was wondering why I enjoy the sordid nonsense that these stars get themselves into (apart from the obvious fact that they have glamorous-looking lives and oodles of money).  Then it dawned on me - I have seen the same antics elsewhere - thinking - thinking - aha!  My kids are uncannily like high-maintenance movie stars.  Here's why:

1.   We expect them to throw tantrums every now and then when they don't get what they want.  Like highly-paid and even higher-strung stars, kids seem to have a God-given right to throw a certain (large) amount of tantrums and still be forgiven for them.  If the water is not still, or not sparkling, or not a particular type sourced by celibate monks deep in the Andes mountains, a star will perform until they get the one that is.  Likewise, if Sam only gets the Bat costume when he really wanted Superman, he will perform until he gets it.  And we put up with it with a shrug.  After all, that's just what they do...

2.  Flowing from the above, we are prepared to make concessions to give them the things they really want.  If a star wants a bigger trailer or their name up in lights, they get it.  Likewise, our kids tend to get much more than what we thought they would from us when we were still childless.  I remember thinking "I would never pander to a child - they should fit in with my life - I am the boss!"  Aah, my misguided, pre-child self! So naive.

3.  Some of their acting is worth an Oscar (note - not all of it!).  Seeing one of mine throw himself (or more often, herself) to the ground, with much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth, I have to concede that truly great acting capabilities are worthy of an accolade.  However, as in Andie McDowell's lack-luster performance in Four Weddings and a Funeral (well, in anything actually), sometimes their performances are less convincing than at others

4.  They can make a saga out of the smallest incident.  Just one read of a rag mag can show us that even the smallest doings (like minuscule wardrobe malfunctions, having an innocent lunch with another star, etc.) can get blown up into epic proportions and be reported on from every different angle for an inordinate amount of time.  Likewise, if someone takes something off a child, like a toy, the saga can last long into the day.

5.  They have their own personal stylists, dressers, and dieticians.  What a privilege to have someone running after you as you stride into your day, putting on your socks and brushing your hair!  Never mind picking out your clothing and shoes, accessorising with the right sunhat, and providing nutritious snack packs to suit your every whim (sandwiches with crusts cut off, green bananas never yellow, juice mixed with the exact amount of water, etc). 

6.  It is not considered unusual for them to have about three changes of clothing in a day - one for morning wear, a change for lunch and then another for dinner.  Granted, with kids this is more of a necessity, as the previous outfits are usually unwearable after a few hours in the sandpit at kindy, but the principle remains the same.

7.  Flowing on from this, all the work is done behind the scenes to make them look good, and all they have to do is just show up and look pretty and then steal the show.  And if they have a wardrobe malfunction, no one ever blames the star - it's always the stylist that gets it.

8.  They are intensely aware when another star gets something better than theirs.  It is written into contracts exactly what size lettering is used for each star's name, what size trailer they will use on set, etc.  And Heaven help anyone who messes that one up.  Just try handing one child a slightly bigger piece of anything (no matter that the difference is undetectable to the human eye), and you will see the similarities.

The question remains:  Why do they get away with all of this? The answer is simple:  Because we worship them and life would not be half as entertaining without them.  

And so another few stars are born!

Remember to check out the new page - "These are a few of my favourite things..." above - I like to put snippets of the day's happenings there - a quick pick, if you like!

1 comment:

  1. So true - mine are just like that. Gotta love them for it!