Sunday, 31 July 2016

Speak life

It's been so long since I had a chance to write.  What have I been doing in this time, you might ask? Well...
We found out that we were having a bonus baby a few weeks after the boys turned seven. The little girl had just turned five and started big school, and it was a time for great transitions for all of us.  I remember feeling a bit off, my hormones were crazy and I felt ill every evening.  I woke in the night to horrible night sweats.  After a few days of this, I lay on the couch and cried about it to the Sweetpea.  "I am going through menopause!" I screeched dramatically through floods of tears.  Not that it was unexpected, but that I wasn ready to give up on my body being the source of life for another little one.  I was devastated.
However, two pregnancy tests later, I was a bit relieved and possibly more apprehensive.  After suffering a miscarriage the previous year and all of the emotion that went with that, I could not bear to think of the long weeks and months that stretched out ahead with our little one growing inside me and the possibility of once again losing all of those hopes and dreams for another member of the family.  We were still lighting a candle every Friday for the unborn child, and I could not face the idea of having two small candles to be lit on our table.  As the pregnancy progressed, I started having panic attacks, diagnosing myself with every form of non specific and terrible complication on Google (thanks, Dr Google!).  I was anything but the serene and in-control older mother I had hoped I would be. I was a ball of sodden nerves wrapped up in hysteria.  It was the boys who eventually came to my rescue.  You hear about children parenting their parents.  Well, I had the chance to experience this when they were only seven.  They had been listening to a song by Toby Mac called "Choose life" Eye On It (Deluxe Edition) by tobyMac
It's about how the word we utter are powerful and that we have the power of life and death in our tongues.  These little boys of mine reminded me that I had the choice to make of whether I would speak life over their child in my womb, or with my fears and insecurities unwittingly speak death.  I'm so glad they did. From that moment on I chose to speak life to my unborn child no matter what happened.

Almost a year later, now, I write this while our newest member of the family slumbers peacefully on my chest. The Snuffalupagus, as we fondly call him, was born safely in December and has enriched our lives with his presence ever since then. He has allowed the boys to become older brothers of a much younger sibling and what joy it is to see them picking him up and comforting him when he cries.  Little Miss Snoopy has had her dearest wish to be a little mommy come true right in front of her eyes.

Take time to choose life!