Saturday, 8 September 2012

I can deal with anything as long as I am wearing the right clothes...

As they grow older, I have realised that dressing, which used to be so simple, now is a trial of epic proportions.  I suppose it is good training for the bathroom-bound years of being a teenager, when every spot and hair is examined for hours to see if it is passable or not.  But I am definitely getting a taste of it now.

When they were little, I could throw anything on them that would keep them warm.  Cute little body-suits, adorable jerseys that made them look a teensy bit like girls, the works.  Now I have to consider the relative merits of each outfit before I even present it, and here is why:

I have to consider the relative powers of each item of clothing, in relation to what I will be dressing the other child in.  A t-shirt with a Spiderman pictured on the front will obviously out-weigh a Bob-the-Builder: that is a no-brainer.  The one who gets Spiderman that day will lord it over the one who gets Bob, making sure that the t-shirt is exposed at every possible turn. But the clothing debacle does get more subtle than that.

I would like to know who came up with the idea of putting more than one super-hero on a shirt?  For mothers of twins, especially if you choose not to dress them in the same outfits, this is a real trial.  After all, my mind has to hold so many diverse and frankly essential bits of information, that it has no room for intricate calculations of whether two Spidermen (black and red) and a Batman out-weigh Superman and Iron-Man.  Obviously, the twins know immediately whose shirt is carrying the most referent power, but I have to admit that as a mom, I am at a loss. With the result that I have come up with a points system to figure it all out.  It goes like this:

A skateboard/bicycle/ scooter = 1 point, unless having fire on the shirt somewhere (especially coming from the wheels), in which case add 2 extra points
Any car/monster truck/motorbike = 2 points
Lightening McQueen = 5 points, unless pictured with Mater, then take off 2 points
Bob-the-Builder = 3 points, unless pictured with one of the trucks/diggers/grabbers 
Any Disney character, including Shrek, is a minus point, especially if it has fur on it (like Donkey), in which case it is -2 points
Buzz lightyear is worth 7 points, but only if pictured without Woody.  If Woody is there, minus 5 points
Superman, Spiderman, Batman or any other man, if pictured alone = 10 points, unless the logo is not visible, in which case take off 2 points

Superheroes in tandem with each other = 10 points for the shirt, plus a further 5 points for each additional immediately-recognisable superhero.  If the superhero is unknown, 5 points are deducted for each guess the kids have to have to figure out who it is.  This often results in a minus figure total awarded to that item of clothing.

Also, if the shirt has a hoodie on it, add a further 5 points.
If the shirt has sleeves that are too long and need to be rolled up, take off another 5 points.
No tracksuit pants with cuffs at the bottom, no matter how cool, can equal a pair with no cuffs at the bottom.

Calculate the amount per outfit for one child, and then make sure that the outfit for the second child exactly matches this number.  See, brilliantly simple isn't it?  

Let me know how this works out for you!

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