Thank Heaven for little girls!

 The boys were still very young when I fell pregnant with the next little one.  We were overjoyed - we really wanted our family to be spaced with two years between them, so that the new littlie would be a part of the lives of the boys right from the start, that there would never be a time that they could remember that was without her.  We had also tried especially for a little girl, because we had our boys, and thought it would be a nice rounding off to our family unit.  I can tell you that even the other gynaes at Peter's hospital were impressed when we found out that it was indeed a little girl I was carrying!  For a while Peter had quite a reputation - first producing twin boys and then a little girl, as though on cue.  What a good gynae!


However, things didn't seem so rosy when we almost lost our precious little girl in my twelfth week of pregnancy due to a massive hemorrhage.  I will not go into it, but suffice it to say that it was the darkest and scariest time of my whole life.  When we discovered that she was still miraculously clinging on to life inside me, I cried the first truly ugly cry of my whole life.  You know the kind, I am sure, when your whole face screws in on itself, and you can't control it.  But in spite of the good news, everyone took it very seriously indeed - I was put on immediate bed-rest, and in my six or seventh month of pregnancy, I was advised to give up breast-feeding the twins, who were almost two at the time, because it could cause the labour to start prematurely.  I was devastated - that time with the boys was such a wonderful time of re-connection after a busy day, a time of bonding and closeness and love all mingled together in the peace of a darkened room just before they drifted off to sleep for the night.  I could not imagine giving that special time up.  But I knew that for the sake of the new little life inside me, I would have to.  I wrote a letter to the little boys on the night of our last feed, and I thought I would put it in here now (after all, this space is so much more secure than my treasure chest, where the moths have already eaten up some of the words):  

14/11/09  

My Dearest Boys,

Tonight was the first night we didn't have "boobie time" together, boys, and in some ways, my heart is breaking.  Although I know you have to grow up, and that I have to let you, there was something so special about our bond during this time that I don't want to let go.  It was so unbelievably hard for me to say "No boobie-time tonight, just water" to my precious little ones.  But I am so thankful that we have had these 22 months together - so many mums have so much less than we have been granted, and some have none at all.  We have been so blessed, my little ones.  After all, there were times when all three of us didn't seem as though we could make it this far.  

And now there is a new little one to be prepared for, who needs the nutrients you no longer do.  So we can rejoice in our bond, and pray that such a strong foundation can only be strengthened over time, that our love for each other will never change.  

I love you so much, my darlings.

And somehow, at the end of that last feed, there was a peace and a closeness that extended beyond, and endures today.  When Little Miss Snoopy arrived on the scene, she took over greedily from where her brothers had left off, and shows no signs of wanting to stop.  And to tell the truth, I am in no hurry to persuade her otherwise.