A Bum Wrap...

Okay, so I thought we had pretty much covered the whole where to pee/where not to pee topic with the boys, but it appears I was wrong.  Once again on a hike, they were motivated to stop at every bush.  Now, I am all for communing with nature in this most basic way, but I would really prefer it if there was not an audience of fellow hikers, all looking on with varying expressions of amusement or horror as my two wee all over the hiking trail.  It was time for drastic action.  My conversation with them went as follows:

Me:  Boys, we have talked about willies before, haven't we?
Boys (in chorus): Yes, Mama!
Me:  What did we say about willies?
Paddy (unsure):  Um - they have germs?
Me:  No, that was another conversation. 
Sam (confidently):  We mustn't wee wee on each other's legs?
Me:  Yes!  But no! Not that one.  Remember?  Willies are...
Boys:  Private!
Me:  Yes!  Willies are private.  Do we take them out in public?
Boys (more confident now - they know the answer to this one): No, Mama! 
Me: So if we don't take them out in public, can we take them out to wee in public?
Boys (subdued, knowing they are not going to like the result of this one): No, Mama.
Sam (after a period of intense thought):  But if there are no toilets around, what should we do?
Me (Hmm, he has a point.  Think, dammit, think!):  Well...we look around very carefully to see if anyone is watching, and then we go behind a very large bush or a rock and do a wee quickly there, making sure nobody can see us.
Boys (relieved - they can still wee outdoors):  Yes, Mama!
Me (confident - the problem has been solved - I am a great parent - yay!):  Good boys!

On returning from the hike, we are standing in the parking lot. There are lots of people loading their kids into cars, off-loading picnics, standing around and talking.  Sam starts to wander off, and gets to the far side of the parking lot.
Me (shouting to make myself heard over the noise of the people):  Sam, what are you doing?
Sam (shouting even louder back to me):  I AM LOOKING FOR A BUSH TO HIDE BEHIND SO THAT I CAN MAKE A WEE WEE.  MY WILLIE IS PRIVATE!

A supreme hush falls on all those assembled in the parking lot.  They all look in my direction.
Me (under my breath): Damn!

Ha!  Foiled again!